3 years ago
319
Dear Amy: A decennary back, arsenic a Latino assemblage pupil successful my 30s, I became friends with an older Black student.
We person been friends ever since. I’ve been supportive and helpful.
Right earlier the pandemic, she shared with maine that she was confronting puerility intersexual trauma.
She moved nearby, and I person been visiting with her erstwhile a month.
Since then, she has moved from 1 utmost to different regarding pandemic, anti-mask, predetermination fraud, anti-Asian and anti-Semitic and “flat earth” conspiracies. Throughout, I person listened with curiosity and empathy, but she continues to excavation in.
She is progressively condescending to the constituent wherever it is harming me. She treats maine arsenic naive oregon stupid.
I get the feeling that she’s trying to person power implicit satellite events done her “research” astir who “really controls our lives.” I judge this is simply a substitute for not dealing with her trauma.
I was successful therapy for 5 years earlier I felt competent and confronted my ain trauma.
I privation to archer her that I judge she is avoiding confronting her trauma by engaging successful conspiracy theories to grasp control, but I person a feeling that’s not the close route.
I besides privation to chopped her disconnected and not prosecute with her anymore, due to the fact that she doesn’t privation to speech astir thing else.
What should I do?
— Ready to Bolt
Dear Ready: You should impulse your person to get therapy, which helped you to retrieve from your ain trauma.
You can’t effort to assistance her if you’ve already fixed up connected her.
I don’t deliberation you should effort to reason the facts regarding her assorted beliefs and conspiracy theories. Nor bash I deliberation you should effort to explicate to her wherefore you judge she is behaving this way. You could usage your ain past acquisition to subordinate to her, and past connection her immoderate help.
Gentle loving kindness is called for. Share your resources with her, including the sanction of your therapist (your therapist could perchance notation her to another), arsenic good arsenic the interaction for the National Sexual Assault Hotline: RAINN.org.
And past you should proceed with your ain self-care and anticipation that she gets help.
Dear Amy: I americium successful a bind.
My bestie bought maine a brace of hiking shoes.
The shoes arrived, but they didn’t fit.
I owed her $70 for the shoes, which I enactment wrong the shoebox erstwhile I returned them to her.
I enactment a sticky enactment inside, detailing my size, and noting that the wealth I owed her was wrong the box.
Today she came implicit and told maine that I owed her $85 – $70 for the shoes and $15 to vessel them back.
I paid her the $15 and past told her, “I enactment the wealth successful the shoebox!”
She was bummed and said she didn’t spot the enactment erstwhile she shipped the shoes back.
I said I would springiness her different $70. She said nary it was her fault.
Now I americium wondering, what’s the due happening to do?
— Shoeless Jill
Dear Shoeless: Even though — strictly speaking — it is not required of you, I deliberation you should wage your person different $70, and past YOU — not she — should interaction the footwear company, equipped with the shipping tracking number, and bash your precise champion to effort to person your currency refunded successful immoderate signifier oregon fashion.
It seems logical (to me, anyway) that if you are acceptable capable to hike, you should besides person handled the instrumentality shipping connected this order.
If you had packed the container and taken it to the PO yourself, you could person saved yourself immoderate money, and your person a batch of footwear leather.
Dear Amy: I instrumentality contented with your reply to “Wondering,” successful which you suggest that it is improper to inquire whether idiosyncratic has been vaccinated against COVID unless the questioner is “medically vulnerable.”
We are each medically susceptible since the vaccines are not 100 percent effectual and, apparently, go little effectual implicit time.
My woman and I don’t privation to beryllium adjacent unvaccinated radical due to the fact that they are much apt to transmit the virus.
It’s mode past clip to halt treating this question arsenic an intrusion into idiosyncratic choice. This is not religion and it shouldn’t beryllium politics. It’s a nationalist wellness crisis.
— Fed-Up
Dear Fed-Up: Your effect is typical of galore I’ve received.
I don’t ask, chiefly due to the fact that I spot my ain vaccine to support maine from superior unwellness — and I simply don’t privation to sermon it.
(You tin email Amy Dickinson astatine askamy@amydickinson.com oregon nonstop a missive to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You tin besides travel her connected Twitter @askingamy oregon Facebook.)
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