Ask Amy: Stepchild would like for dad to leave stepmom at home

Dear Amy: My stepmother has been successful my beingness since I was 15. There was a batch of trauma surviving with her. For years, I would person recurring nightmares of her berating me. I would aftermath up crying.

Her behaviour puts a terrible strain connected my narration with my father.

Recently, I discovered she has posted unusual photos of the exterior of my location with cryptic messages to societal media.

While she has ne'er exhibited convulsive behavior, I felt precise uneasy to cognize she has been lasting extracurricular my location taking pictures.

When I confronted my father, helium conscionable ignored it. He is uncomfortable having important conversations.

She has besides posted lies astir my mother. While I don’t consciousness immoderate request to face her astir that, I besides don’t privation to beryllium astir a idiosyncratic who behaves this way.

I don’t cognize however to get my begetter to respect my wishes.

Recently we argued due to the fact that helium wanted to travel implicit to barbecue — and bring her along.

I enactment my ft down and said perfectly not, she is not invited successful my home, but helium yelled astatine maine and said that I’m selfish.

I’m 45 years old. I person my ain household and nary longer attraction to beryllium astir idiosyncratic who is ever truthful mean-spirited. I’m trying to permission the wounded behind.

Do I person immoderate anticipation of getting my dada to travel astir and person a narration with maine and his grandkids that doesn’t see her?

— Tired of Toxicity

Dear Tired: I’m truthful atrocious that your begetter didn’t support you – oregon astatine slightest advocator for you — erstwhile you were a teen and being verbally abused by his wife.

Given that helium didn’t support you then, and won’t prosecute astir this now, I deliberation it is precise improbable that helium volition cooperate erstwhile it comes to immoderate conditions you effort to impose.

Based connected however you picture this, you look to beryllium trying to bash for your children what your begetter didn’t bash for you erstwhile you were young. That’s a parent’s job, and you’re doing it.

You person laid down immoderate wide boundaries and your begetter tin either respect them and spot you and the children occasionally connected his own, oregon helium tin berate you and telephone you selfish for trying to beryllium a much protective genitor than helium was. The choice, really, is his.

Dear Amy: I person 1 daughter, who is present an big with a hubby and 3 grown children of her own. My grandchildren are each successful their 30s.

I person ne'er missed a birthday, vacation etc., consistently giving gifts to those grandchildren. I usually springiness each of them $100 for holidays and birthdays.

When they were young, they each thanked me.

At this point, the 33-year-old ever phones maine to accidental “thanks” for each gift, but the different 2 — nothing! No acknowledgment, whatsoever.

My scientist person told maine to behaviour an experiment: For Christmas, constitute a $1,000 cheque to each. If they telephone oregon substance a thanks, that is simply a plus. If they don’t admit their gift, past each gifts from you should STOP.

Well, I received the accustomed convey you telephone from the 33-year-old, and thing from the different two!

I cognize I volition get flak from my girl if I halt giving.

Should I support “donating” oregon conscionable not springiness immoderate aboriginal gifts?

— Generous Gran

Dear Gran: Your person provided you with a utile (and expensive!) test. What you person learned is that nary substance the size of the gift, 2 of your grandchildren volition not spot acceptable to convey you.

If you don’t springiness wealth to your 2 ungrateful grandchildren, it doesn’t mean that you emotion them immoderate less. It conscionable means that determination is simply a earthy effect to their ain behavior.

You could archer them, “I’m a small embarrassed that you don’t look to worth the gifts I’ve fixed you implicit the years. I judge that – and truthful I’ve decided to stop.”

Dear Amy: I hated your effect to “Concerned successful DC.” This idiosyncratic was disquieted astir his wife’s “negativity” owed to governmental differences.

Please, Amy, support your authorities to yourself. I work this file for entertainment, not to beryllium lectured by you.

— Former Reader

Dear Reader: “Politics” seems to person surfaced precocious arsenic a constituent of conflict. That’s wherefore I screen the taxable successful my column.

I person reviewed my effect to “Concerned” with a finely pointed pencil — ne'er erstwhile bash I notation my ain governmental constituent of view.

(You tin email Amy Dickinson astatine askamy@amydickinson.com oregon nonstop a missive to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You tin besides travel her connected Twitter @askingamy oregon Facebook.)

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