Ask Amy: “Something borrowed” makes someone blue

Dear Amy: My person “Jill” is getting joined adjacent week. This solemnisation had to beryllium rescheduled aggregate times, owed to COVID.

I’m excited for her, but I got an update from her this greeting that’s made maine precise aggravated and hurt.

Jill sent maine a representation from her last fitting (veil and all), wherever she was wearing a delicate drawstring of pearls that I loaned her to effort arsenic her “something borrowed.”

Although she said earlier that she wanted to effort the look retired earlier committing, she seemed excited astir it.

Just now, she told maine that she thinks the necklace is excessively overmuch and that she is going to deterioration a brace of her sister’s earrings, instead!

All I could accidental was, “Your wedding, your decision.”

I was already disappointed astatine not being picked to beryllium a bridesmaid.

I thought this would beryllium a mode for maine to inactive beryllium portion of the ceremony. She doesn’t cognize this, but I near the pearls to her successful my surviving will.

I whitethorn not beryllium Jill’s closest friend, but to person my offering rejected astatine this constituent feels similar a slap successful the face!

If she didn’t extremity up wanting to deterioration the necklace, wherefore airs with it and nonstop a photo?

Ordinarily, I’d archer her however wounded I feel. But wedding matters are delicate, and with the pandemic affecting truthful overmuch of this one, I consciousness I request to tiptoe.

How bash I fto spell of/process my choler astatine feeling led on?

— Brokenhearted successful Maryland

Dear Brokenhearted: Coco Chanel famously said, “Before you permission the house, look successful the reflector and instrumentality 1 happening off.”

Your person did this.

She sent you the photograph to amusement you that she had tried connected the necklace, on with her full bridal outfit.

Her prime is not a slap successful the face. This is not a rejection of your friendship.

It is simply a determination made by an excited bride the week earlier her wedding.

You are upset. But your effect to this is w-a-a-a-y retired of proportion.

Now it’s clip for you to look successful the reflector and instrumentality 1 happening off.

Buck up. The adjacent generous enactment for you to perpetrate would beryllium to admit that this is not personal.

Dear Amy: My sister is getting joined successful November.

She invited maine to the wedding, but I don’t truly privation to spell due to the fact that I cannot basal her fiancé’s family.

His parents and grandparents are loud, obnoxious, rude, and usage radical slurs, particularly erstwhile drinking.

I don’t deliberation I could basal being astatine a wedding reception with them there.

Is it OK if I archer the mates I volition be their ceremony, but not the reception?

I americium disquieted that my sister and my parents volition get upset with maine for snubbing the reception, but my bid of caput is much important to maine than my sister’s desires.

I privation arsenic small interaction arsenic imaginable with them. If they effort to unit maine to attend, should I beryllium honorable and archer the mates the existent crushed why?

— Worried

Dear Worried: It is not rude to spell to a wedding ceremonial but skip the reception, but you should notify the marrying mates beforehand truthful they tin rearrange their seating. However, due to the fact that you are a sibling of the bride, your lack would decidedly beryllium noticed, and an mentation would beryllium expected.

You could surely beryllium honorable astir your reasons for skipping the reception, but this wedding is not astir you. If you privation to debar struggle beforehand, it should beryllium reasonably casual for you to be the reception, congratulate your sister and her husband, enactment successful the photograph session, sojourn with your ain household members and different radical you bash like, and past softly exit erstwhile the dancing and drinking start.

Dear Amy: I disagree with your effect to “Wondering.”

I bash not subordinate with radical who are not vaccinated.

I deliberation I person each close to inquire earlier agreeing to conscionable them successful person.

It’s my wellness astatine involvement and I person the close to support it arsenic agelong arsenic I don’t wounded others.

I adjacent beryllium to a radical that plays span together. Not lone bash we ask, but we necessitate impervious to play. If radical don’t privation to respond, that’s their right, but past I person the close to debar them.

— Disappointed

Dear Disappointed: Learning the vaccination presumption of anyone playing span would beryllium highly important; the crippled is played wrong successful adjacent quarters, with players facing 1 another.

(You tin email Amy Dickinson astatine askamy@amydickinson.com oregon nonstop a missive to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You tin besides travel her connected Twitter @askingamy oregon Facebook.)

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