Ask Amy: Rumor about teacher compels reporting

Dear Amy: I precocious heard that a teacher from my precocious schoolhouse slept with 1 of his underage students.

I cognize it is perchance conscionable a rumor but based connected the root (a adjacent person of the student), I judge it is true.

This would person happened 10 years ago, yet my gut instinct is to study this to the school. Afterall, helium is inactive a teacher there.

Is it nary of my business?

I bash not cognize either the pupil oregon the teacher well. Based connected conversations I’ve had, it seems arsenic though galore of my aged classmates knew astir this but said nothing.

Would it beryllium incorrect of maine to stroke up the beingness of a perchance guiltless teacher?

And adjacent if helium is guilty, what if the unfortunate has nary privation to relive it. Shouldn’t that beryllium her choice?

Yet, I consciousness similar it’s my work to accidental something.

What if he’s inactive sleeping with students?

If I cognize astir predatory behaviour and I enactment silent, aren’t I portion of the problem?

— Guilty Bystander

Dear Guilty: You person heard astir this third-hand. You should powerfully impulse the idiosyncratic who repeated this to you (and is person to the root of the information) to study it to the school. If she won’t, past you should. Simply archer them that this is what you heard and that you cannot verify it. They are morally and legally compelled to investigate.

Even if you presume that the pupil progressive believed that she “consented” to this astatine the time, the crushed this benignant of narration is simply a transgression is due to the fact that underage radical cannot legally springiness their consent. And the crushed underage radical can’t springiness their consent is besides wherefore they can’t legally thrust without a licence oregon portion intoxicant — an adolescent’s encephalon and emotions aren’t developed capable to marque this benignant of perchance life-altering choice.

Children and teens are vulnerable, and that’s wherefore determination are laws to support them. Students are susceptible to the powerfulness dynamic regarding the adults who are expected to respect and support them, and that’s wherefore it is against the instrumentality (and schoolhouse policy) for teachers and schoolhouse unit to person enactment with them.

And adjacent if this erstwhile pupil believes that she graduated from this acquisition unscathed, determination mightiness beryllium different students who were victims of this teacher who are traumatized.

So yes, radical who person heard astir this person a motivation work to study it.

Dear Amy: My spouse of 3 years has a atrocious wont of staying retired each nighttime without communicating, and past ignoring my texts and calls.

For example, helium volition travel location astatine 1 a.m. connected a workday, oregon astatine 4 a.m. aft a nighttime retired with friends.

This is truly distressing behaviour to maine and I’ve expressed that to him.

He promises he’s not cheating and says I’m trying to power him.

Is it unreasonable for maine to expect a substance update if helium plans connected staying retired past his mean schedule?

Am I hopeless for calling erstwhile helium doesn’t travel location astatine a tenable hour?

Am I overreacting?

— Worrying astatine Home

Dear Worrying: Calling your spouse is simply a logical effect erstwhile helium is highly precocious and doesn’t respond to substance messages.

I don’t spot your actions arsenic peculiarly “desperate,” but I bash deliberation you request to admit that you are with idiosyncratic who doesn’t caput the information that his behaviour distresses you truthful much, and past tries to gaslight you into believing that you are retired of enactment for worrying.

He says that you are trying to power him, but his behaviour indicates that helium is trying to power you. He is trying to bid you to permission him alone, and possibly you should!

I wonderment however helium would respond if helium rolled successful immoderate aboriginal greeting and realized that you weren’t there, fretting and upset.

I americium not suggesting that you play games, but you mightiness liberate yourself from immoderate of these triggers if you took immoderate clip for yourself.

Dear Amy: Longtime reader, here. I don’t ever hold with you, but your compassionate effect to the trauma-survivor “Afraid to Rock the Boat” brought tears to my eyes.

Here’s the enactment that got me: “You are hard connected yourself, the mode survivors often are. It goes with the territory.”

How did you cognize that?

— Impressed

Dear Impressed: I cognize that due to the fact that my ain therapist said it to me, and though I americium not a trauma survivor, I absorbed this important insight.

(You tin email Amy Dickinson astatine askamy@amydickinson.com oregon nonstop a missive to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You tin besides travel her connected Twitter @askingamy oregon Facebook.)

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