3 years ago
320
Dear Amy: I’ve been dating an aged precocious schoolhouse romance for six years.
We reconnected aft his woman near him for different antheral and helium had started dating different women, including me.
I was his confidante for galore months, and our relationship turned to commitment.
He has insisted connected keeping each of his exes arsenic “friends,” contempt their aversion for maine arsenic the competition.
One ex cuts his hair, his ex-wife borrows wealth and watches his dog, and yet different is his security agent.
While I don’t fishy determination is simply a carnal narration astatine this moment, I find it disrespectful that helium has not ended casual connection with them.
I’ve some asked and demanded that they disconnect, arsenic I find it profoundly disrespectful from each of them.
They substance him adjacent during our vacations, and helium has present pulled successful the security cause to supply radical security for his caller employer.
He is intensely jealous of my different anterior relationships, and I person ne'er brought them into our lives, oregon fixed him crushed to distrust me.
I’ve drawn the enactment aggregate times and yet it is an ongoing contented that upsets maine deeply.
Is it excessively overmuch to inquire for him to disconnect retired of respect for my feelings and the aboriginal of the relationship?
— Heartbroken
Dear Heartbroken: You picture your guy’s “intense jealousy” implicit your erstwhile relationships, and you are besides intensely jealous implicit his. This presents reddish flags regarding the wellness of your relationship.
In a steadfast relationship, some parties instrumentality the others’ comfortableness into account. Demands don’t request to beryllium issued — oregon ignored.
It’s imaginable that due to the fact that your guy’s ex-wife dumped him, helium is determined ne'er to beryllium rather truthful exclusive — oregon susceptible — again.
You 2 evidently person a antithetic conception of what it means to beryllium “committed” to 1 another. If this hostility is simply a continuing root of symptom and discord for you, you should reconsider your commitment.
Dear Amy: I person known “Stacy” since inferior precocious school; we are present successful our aboriginal 60s.
Whenever Stacy and I would conscionable up astatine a restaurant, I would ever unpaid to thrust to her metropolis to marque it easier for her, due to the fact that she and her hubby stock a car (and helium needs it to get to work). I person been doing this for 14 years.
I was laid disconnected from my job, and since my car is old, successful February 2020, I told Stacy that I was “babying my car to marque it past longer.”
In aboriginal March 2020, I suggested we conscionable for meal successful my municipality (about 18 miles from her). She responded with “Well, we are babying our car, so….”
She not lone refused to reciprocate the driving duties, but she mimicked what I had said to her the erstwhile month! I was stunned and highly offended. We person had nary interaction since then.
Sadly, I can’t get past this incident. We person friends successful the aforesaid circle, and I dread the time she asks maine to prime her up to be a communal societal engagement, which is thing I volition nary longer do.
What bash I accidental if she suggests meal (near her, of course) oregon asks for a thrust to our friend’s house?
— Appalled
Dear Appalled: Given the hostility betwixt you 2 — and the information that you aged friends person not had immoderate interaction passim the full pandemic play — it seems improbable that “Stacy” volition telephone upon you to supply transportation. If she does interaction you, you could bring up the somewhat mocking effect that has bothered you truthful much.
One vantage of having a relationship connected (or over) the enactment is that you tin explicit yourself, respectfully, without fearfulness that you volition harm the narration further.
Life is short. Your relationship is precise long. I anticipation that you volition yet beryllium capable to wide the air.
Dear Amy: Your reply to the “Tennis Bums” was wrong.
It would beryllium perfectly due to politely inquire the shot subordinate to find different spot to practice. His signifier against the tennis obstruction would beryllium precise distracting.
I americium definite helium didn’t recognize it — and would beryllium blessed to signifier elsewhere.
The information that helium is Hispanic, and that shot is specified a fashionable athletics should person thing to bash with it.
— A Tennis Player
Dear Player: No 1 liked my reply to the “Tennis Bums.” I did suggest they talk to the shot player, but I besides emphasized that this was a nationalist parkland wherever a Wimbledon-like ambiance was not successful the cards.
(You tin email Amy Dickinson astatine askamy@amydickinson.com oregon nonstop a missive to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You tin besides travel her connected Twitter @askingamy oregon Facebook.)
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