Ask Amy: Not-yet-divorced dad wants to put a ring on it

Dear Amy: My matrimony of astir 16 years ended 3 years ago.

My estranged woman is mentally ill, mentally abusive, and an alcoholic.

Since separation, she has been to rehab doubly and spent a period successful a intelligence institution.

I filed for divorce. My ex has been wholly non-compliant to immoderate benignant of agreement.

I’m connected my 2nd lawyer and we are connected our mode to instrumentality it to trial.

After we separated, I met a fantastic woman, and we person been dating for 2 years (around the clip I filed for divorce).

My caller emotion is simply a single/working mom. I person custody of 2 children, truthful it’s sometimes a situation to walk clip together, but we find a mode to marque it work.

I purchased an engagement ringing 9 months ago.

I truly wasn’t expecting my divorcement to instrumentality this long.

I evidently cannot get joined until my divorcement goes through.

My woman knows that I privation to wed her and knows that I person the ring, but the engagement volition beryllium overshadowed by the information that I’m inactive legally married.

My woman hates the thought of being the “other woman” connected paper; adjacent though she’s not.

I privation to beryllium respectful to my aboriginal woman and her daughter, but I besides privation her to cognize however peculiar she is to me.

Do I hold for different fewer months, oregon bash I springiness her the ringing now?

— Stuck successful Transition

Dear Struck: You and your spouse should proceed to marque your plans together, but you should hold to springiness her the ringing and go “officially” engaged.

One crushed for this is that giving her the ringing mightiness really effect successful delaying your divorce.

If your woman won’t travel to the table, and if she finds retired that you are eagerly moving guardant with plans to marry, the cognition of that mightiness animate her to hold further.

Another crushed to hold earlier giving her the ringing is to show to each of your children that adjacent though beingness is analyzable (they already cognize that), determination is an bid to things, and you are behaving accordingly.

Dear Amy: While my hubby and I were readying our wedding, my (now) in-laws were overly funny successful our wedding colors, asking for swatches and updates and accent colors.

I was perpetually fielding calls and texts from his 5 siblings, their spouses, their kids and his parents.

My hubby assured maine that they conscionable wanted to coordinate their outfits to the wedding colors.

It seemed odd. Yes, they arrived dressed similar members of the wedding party, but it didn’t truly fuss me.

Over the years I’ve noticed that astatine each wedding, my ample in-law household dresses to lucifer the wedding party. At times they’ve been confused for members of the bride/groom’s household oregon wedding party.

I’ve asked astir it and they look to deliberation it’s basal wedding etiquette, adjacent to the constituent of acting similar I marque horrendous wedding faux pas erstwhile I don’t.

I consciousness it’s a spot rude oregon presumptuous to deterioration the wedding colors erstwhile you are not successful the wedding (unless specified successful the invitation).

My sister precocious got engaged. My mother-in-law is already asking her astir her colors. My sister has asked maine to code the coordinating contented with them, truthful they don’t each amusement up looking similar members of the wedding party.

How bash I attack this taxable with them? They are each convinced that it is abysmally rude NOT to coordinate their attire with the wedding party. Is it?

— Clueless Guest

Dear Clueless: The crushed wedding guests sometimes inquire astir wedding colors is really the other of what your in-laws look to think: It is to debar looking similar members of the wedding party.

Some marrying couples bash effort to color-coordinate the full event, but the accepted thought is that the bride and groom and their attendants and parents should basal out, and the guests should beryllium the tastefully attired multi-colored confetti successful the background.

Tell your in-laws that your sister’s color-scheme is “… apical secret. She doesn’t privation to color-coordinate with guests. But the bride says she is decidedly wearing white.”

Dear Amy: Your reply to “Tired,” the yawning pistillate with the irate boyfriend, missed an important point. Tired should speech to her doc and person a slumber survey done. It tin beryllium done astatine location and could precise perchance amusement she has slumber apnea.

Her symptoms dependable conscionable similar mine. Sleep apnea is not lone exhausting and inconvenient … it is dangerous.

— Awake

Dear Awake: Great advice. Thank you.

(You tin email Amy Dickinson astatine askamy@amydickinson.com oregon nonstop a missive to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You tin besides travel her connected Twitter @askingamy oregon Facebook.)

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