Ask Amy: Married man wonders about platonic friend

Dear Amy: I americium a 39-year-old joined man. I made a person 2 years agone astatine work. She is 39, divorced, and lives alone. Our relationship built up implicit clip and is solid.

Over the past fewer months, she has been opening up astir her darkest feelings and deepest secrets. Best friends bash stock a lot, but I americium unsure however overmuch is excessively much. She has been behaving successful a platonic way, but sometimes I bash get vibes of this crossing the line.

I erstwhile felt that she wanted to springiness maine a agelong hug but past walked away. (This was a precise beardown vibe.)

I had a speedy and honorable speech astir her behavior. She confirmed that things are platonic, but I can’t shingle disconnected these vibes.

During immoderate conversations, the look successful her eyes does archer maine that thing is up.

She has anxiousness and slump and is connected meds.

How should I negociate this?

Should I presume that she isn’t having feelings?

I americium not idiosyncratic who gives up connected friends, but astatine the aforesaid time, I can’t grip it if she develops feelings for me.

— KK

Dear KK: Married radical tin surely person and support friendships speech from the marriage, but here’s a reminder: Your spouse should truly clasp “best friend” presumption for you, and it is important that you convey this — successful ample and tiny ways — to your enactment friend.

An analogy I admit is to envision a operation — a location — wherever you and your woman are wrong together. When others question a relationship with you, they should sound connected the doorway and beryllium invited in.

Your enactment person seems to beryllium jimmying a model open. She is confiding successful you, which is establishing a backstage intimacy. It evidently makes you consciousness uncomfortable, and my proposition is for you to mildly adjacent the model and nonstop her astir to the entranceway of your metaphorical house.

Do not stock heavy and idiosyncratic intimacies of your ain beingness with her. Refrain from commenting excessively profoundly erstwhile she confides successful you.

Do not pass with her extracurricular of work.

Establishing firmer boundaries should assistance your person to modulation to a much due narration with you. It is important for her to admit that you should not beryllium her lone person and confidant.

It is important for you to admit that immoderate clip you consciousness uncomfortable, you person the close (and responsibility) to respond successful a mode that protects you and your ain interests, careless of your cognition of the different person’s needs.

Dear Amy: I americium afloat vaccinated and boostered, but I bash not judge it is anyone’s concern but for my aesculapian providers.

If I americium invited determination and the idiosyncratic says that they request to cognize my vaccination presumption first, I would similar to archer them that it is nary of their concern and I’m not comfy with their questions, truthful let’s not get unneurotic now. I’d similar to say, “Let’s get unneurotic erstwhile you consciousness comfy issuing invitations without the aesculapian questionnaire.”

I don’t privation my effect to dependable arsenic assertive arsenic that, however.

Can you assistance maine with a friendlier, much diplomatic response?

— Trying to Save Friendships

Dear Trying: Like you, I judge successful anyone’s close to clasp their vaccination presumption privately, and I person guarded my own.

And past my agrarian hometown became the nexus constituent of an invasive viral spike and a household subordinate became ill. And present I judge that — if answering this elemental question helps idiosyncratic other to consciousness little anxious and susceptible — then, OK!

We present cognize that vaccination does not wholly forestall the dispersed of this virus, but it helps.

You tin politely answer, “I’d alternatively not disclose my ain status, and I recognize if that means we won’t beryllium capable to spot 1 different for a while, but I look guardant to seeing you erstwhile things settee down.”

Given that galore restaurants and nationalist venues are present requiring impervious of vaccination to enter, you whitethorn beryllium facing a lonely fewer months, but your privateness and your principles volition stay intact.

Dear Amy: “Proud Papa” wondered if helium should archer his girl that she was excessively overweight to deterioration a harvest top.

Thank you for discouraging his impulse to remark connected his daughter’s body!

Well-meaning radical look to person perfectly nary thought however damaging this tin be.

— Been There

Dear Been There: I can’t ideate that immoderate idiosyncratic would invited this benignant of assessment.

(You tin email Amy Dickinson astatine askamy@amydickinson.com oregon nonstop a missive to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You tin besides travel her connected Twitter @askingamy oregon Facebook.)

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