3 years ago
307
Dear Amy: I person been with my hubby for 13 years. I person ever been precise insecure.
It makes maine paranoid erstwhile helium texts different women, adjacent if it’s conscionable friendly.
I cheque his telephone and spot that helium has deleted texts. This truly bothers me, but helium says helium does it due to the fact that it bothers maine erstwhile helium texts different women, adjacent erstwhile determination is thing atrocious successful the texts. That’s true.
I person made a precise atrocious concern successful my marriage. My hubby is exasperated by my behavior. I don’t cognize however to assistance my insecurities. They are irrational. I cognize that but it gets successful my caput to cheque his phone.
I did halt checking for a portion erstwhile I got into a bully spot successful my head. But precocious I did it again. I consciousness similar I americium warring a conflict with myself and I don’t cognize however to win. Why bash I get this urge? How bash I halt it?
And however bash I hole the harm I person done to my marriage?
— My Own Worst Enemy
Dear MOWE: You and your hubby are successful a loop. Marriage counseling would beryllium a large thought for some of you.
However, you instrumentality afloat responsibility, and it seems to maine that your hubby decidedly plays his part.
The communal and often suggested solution erstwhile determination is suspicion successful a narration is for afloat transparency.
You wouldn’t beryllium triggered into your unhealthy phone-checking if your hubby simply shared these conversations with you: “Sharon said the funniest happening astir a movie she conscionable saw. It’s hilarious. Check it out…”
If you are secretly checking his telephone and helium knows it, helium should bring this connection into the realm of your narration and manus his telephone to you.
You accidental that you precocious stopped checking his telephone — “when you got into a bully spot,” but I suggest that you mightiness person gotten into a bully spot due to the fact that you had stopped checking his phone. The behaviour itself triggers your insecurity.
You tin some consciously change your behaviour successful bid to beryllium afloat and trusting partners.
Dear Amy: A twelvemonth ago, my champion friend, “Terri” got her existent property license. She has been moving precise hard to physique her clientele. She has succeeded successful selling 2 homes and being the buyer’s cause for 3 location sales.
My hubby and I privation to bargain a location soon, and I’m conflicted connected whether to prosecute her arsenic our agent. She’s a fantastic person and we’ve been done heavy and bladed together.
On the 1 hand, I privation to bash everything I tin to enactment my person successful her caller career. I deliberation she has fantabulous qualities, and she would bash a bully occupation for us.
I besides interest that she would beryllium wounded if we didn’t take her.
However, my hubby is tense astir her deficiency of experience, and I interest that if we disagreed successful this transaction, it would wounded our friendship.
What bash you deliberation we should do?
— BFF successful the West
Dear BFF: The result present is somewhat babelike connected your assorted temperaments. Is your person organized and unflappable? Are you and your hubby capable to tolerate vexation calmly? Does “Terri” person bully reviews from different clients?
I deliberation you should usage your person arsenic your agent, with immoderate caveats.
Because she is your person and knows you precise well, she volition apt enactment highly hard to amusement you properties and enactment arsenic your advocator during the process.
If you and your hubby hold to usage her, you should some beryllium highly candid successful advance. Tell her, “We’d similar to usage you arsenic our agent, but purchasing a location tin beryllium a precise stressful experience, and we privation to marque definite that each of america get done it with the champion outcome. We volition beryllium precise honorable with you and privation to marque definite that the 3 of america tin pass good successful this business-mode, adjacent if we’re frustrated oregon confused.”
Dear Amy: “Empty Nest” wanted to big planetary assemblage students for Thanksgiving dinner.
I grew up successful a assemblage town, and my parents ever did this!
Honestly, I didn’t ever emotion fundamentally giving up my ain “seat astatine the table” for Thanksgiving but looking backmost I deliberation it was truly generous of my folks to provender and big these students who didn’t person anyplace other to spell connected that day.
— Grateful
Dear Grateful: Sharing with others honors the tone of that feast day.
(You tin email Amy Dickinson astatine askamy@amydickinson.com oregon nonstop a missive to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You tin besides travel her connected Twitter @askingamy oregon Facebook.)
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