3 years ago
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Dear Amy: My hubby and I are some seniors. He works afloat clip and I enactment portion time.
We person been joined for implicit 25 years.
He precocious told maine that helium is progressive successful a narration with a 19-year-old girl. When I pressed him for details, helium said that they pass respective times a time and person been successful interaction each time for the past 2 years.
I americium devastated and repulsed by what helium told maine successful his precise calm but smug way. The much I cried, the much sadistic helium became.
I kept asking why.
He yet said that helium wanted idiosyncratic younger.
I americium 13 years younger than helium is.
He insists that determination was nary carnal intimacy, and helium was lone trying to assistance her.
What bash you think? Is helium conscionable trying to wounded maine oregon possibly propulsion maine off?
Now determination is an disfigured divorcement ahead.
Should I conscionable resign myself to instrumentality a divorcement colony arsenic offered, oregon combat for everything I tin get?
I person an lawyer who advised maine to fig retired our assets and debts and get acceptable to divided them, since we unrecorded successful a no-fault state.
I americium already successful therapy, but it hasn’t helped my authorities of mind.
— Heartbroken astatine 63
Dear Heartbroken: First this: At the property of 63, you are not rather a “senior” — astatine slightest successful my opinion.
Your husband, 13 years older than you, decidedly is.
I recognize that this abrupt alteration successful your beingness is some shocking and heartbreaking, but I privation you could effort to look connected this with the payment of hindsight.
One twelvemonth from now, your hubby volition beryllium yet different aged fool who has met the online miss of his dreams — lone to beryllium taken to the cleaners, either emotionally and/or financially — and probably, both.
I don’t suggest that you prosecute successful a protracted, nasty, and costly tribunal conflict — but I bash suggest that you find a competent and assertive lawyer who volition bash immoderate forensic accounting and excavation into your marital finances arsenic rapidly arsenic possible, and statesman the process of verifying and dividing them — earlier your hubby has had the accidental to hide, walk oregon discarded associated assets connected this caller relationship.
As hard arsenic it is to face, this is not the clip to passively lick your wounds.
Yes, I deliberation your hubby is trying to wounded you and propulsion you off, and if helium is not actively trying to wounded you, past — astatine the precise slightest — helium is not attending to your anguish.
Stick with therapy. Think of this arsenic an acquisition that you should effort to determination through, learning arsenic you go.
Dear Amy: Before the pandemic, I hosted a tiny radical of planetary students astatine my location implicit vacation breaks. (My children be assemblage retired of state.)
My kids were upset with me, saying that I should fto them cognize that strangers volition beryllium astatine the location truthful they tin marque different plans.
Their statement is that they travel location to walk clip with maine and not with radical whom they don’t know.
They consciousness this is their clip to drawback up and fto down their hair.
What are your thoughts?
The programme I volunteered with to bash this is starting backmost up and has reached retired to me.
I bask being a surrogate to the students who are truthful acold distant from their ain families, but bash not privation to alienate my ain children.
— Empty Nest
Dear Empty Nest: First this: Do your children cognize Thanksgiving’s backstory? Your hospitality is what this unsocial vacation is each about!
They are reacting selfishly, and their basal information is that they simply don’t privation to share.
However, these experiences tin beryllium precise impactful for everyone involved; successful fact, 2 of my brothers-in-law met their (international student) spouses nether precise akin circumstances.
I deliberation you should telephone their bluff. Give them a heads up that you’ll beryllium hosting. And if they don’t privation to travel home, possibly they volition find a generous household successful their assemblage municipality who volition instrumentality them in.
Dear Amy: “Generous Gram” wrote to you regarding her grandchildren who didn’t convey her for her generous monetary gifts.
She should ty this: Send a cheque and don’t motion it. When they telephone oregon substance to code the issue, don’t respond.
— Uncle Been There
Dear Uncle: Many radical person responded, suggesting this “don’t motion the check” gambit. Looks similar a batch of radical person “been there.”
(You tin email Amy Dickinson astatine askamy@amydickinson.com oregon nonstop a missive to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You tin besides travel her connected Twitter @askingamy oregon Facebook.)
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