2 years ago
545
Dear Amy: My 18-year-old granddaughter is going to unrecorded with america aft her precocious schoolhouse graduation.
She is coming to enactment with america to enactment for a twelvemonth and found residency successful our state, which is awash successful bully prime nationalist universities.
We are excited to person her travel unrecorded with us. I privation the acquisition to beryllium positive, but I cognize wide expectations are important.
She has spent clip with america each summer, truthful we cognize each different reasonably well.
My hubby and I drew up a database of things that we expected from her: Getting a job, taking attraction of her chamber and bathroom, learning to thrust and to usage nationalist transportation, nary antheral overnight guests, location beryllium erstwhile we instrumentality abbreviated trips — things similar that.
We bash not expect her to wage rent; we are doing this due to the fact that assemblage is insanely expensive, and we privation to help.
What are immoderate pitfalls we should beryllium alert of?
Is determination an important constituent we are missing?
We truly privation this to enactment out!
— Helpful Grammy
Dear Grammy: I lived with household members during my archetypal twelvemonth of college, and I volition ever look backmost connected that clip with utmost gratitude. I besides wonderment if I did capable portion I was with them to easiness their load for housing, feeding, and fundamentally taking specified bully attraction of me.
All of your expectations are reasonable, but I suggest that you instrumentality them successful tenable stages. Focus connected the proscription contented first, due to the fact that that volition alteration her to get herself backmost and distant to work.
After she moves in, negociate a tenable nighttime curfew, and stress that she should interaction you if she is moving precocious (this is an highly important information contented for a caller commuter who mightiness beryllium moving shifts).
Communicating astir these applicable matters is vital; and you and she should besides person regular “family meetings” wherever you tin each bring up matters relating to the household.
Don’t hover implicit her excessively closely, and recognize that she (and you) volition occasionally fail.
Don’t lone rise those issues wherever determination is country for improvement, but besides admit the important modulation she is making.
Dear Amy: My hubby and I are 49 and 50 years old.
The past 18-month play has been psychologically, physically and particularly financially hard connected us.
My hubby got injured astatine work, and I mislaid my job.
We decided to currency successful our 401(k) plans and see being retired.
We person 2 grown sons (late 20s) who are some married. One of them is the begetter of my granddaughter.
Both men aren’t good disconnected but they some are doing OK for their small families.
My hubby and I decided to springiness each lad and their wives a generous currency Christmas contiguous this year.
It was nary large deal. We had it and shared it.
However, during my Christmas get-together with the 5 of them, each we heard was what they got for their wives’ parents: New TV’s and eating country sets.
We didn’t adjacent get a Christmas card.
We bash much for our sons past either 1 of their in-laws do.
My hubby and I can’t assistance but consciousness slighted.
Should I fto them cognize that they wounded our feelings, oregon should we conscionable fto it go?
— Feeling Slighted
Dear Slighted: My main absorption is to your prime to currency successful your savings and “retire” astatine the property of 50. By cashing retired early, you’ve already mislaid a percent of your savings done a penalty.
You and your hubby are astatine slightest 12 years distant from the anticipation of receiving Social Security. Even if helium is receiving disablement compensation, this is an highly short-sighted prime to make.
My 2nd absorption is to your prime to springiness a information of this wealth distant to radical who don’t request it oregon — it seems — privation it.
I anticipation you volition bespeak connected your ain concern and marque sounder fiscal choices.
And yes — you should fto your sons cognize precisely however wounded you feel.
Dear Amy: Like you, I, too, was a waitress.
I volition happily permission 20 percent oregon much to a server who is pleasant and attentive. However, a server who slams a crockery down connected the array and ne'er adjacent makes oculus interaction during the full repast volition beryllium fortunate to adjacent get 15 percent.
The archetypal meaning was “To Insure Promptness.” Times person changed.
— NC Appreciative Reader
Dear Reader: Thank you for the reminder of what a “tip” is expected to reward.
(You tin email Amy Dickinson astatine askamy@amydickinson.com oregon nonstop a missive to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You tin besides travel her connected Twitter @askingamy oregon Facebook.)
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