3 years ago
321
Dear Amy: I americium the oldest of 13 archetypal cousins connected 1 broadside of the family. Many of these cousins are considerably younger than I (up to 21 years younger), and grew up galore miles distant from the extended family. As a result, these cousins are not privy to a batch of household past that I learned from the clip I was rather young.
Now, 2 of these younger cousins person approached maine to “fill successful the blanks” for them.
My younger cousins bash not cognize that successful the aboriginal years of the Depression, my genitor and 2 young siblings were abandoned by their begetter erstwhile their parent became gravely ill.
My genitor was placed with an uncle and his household who provided a loving home. The 2nd sibling was enactment up for adoption and was adopted by a mates who sexually abused the kid and yet returned the kid to “the system.”
There was a consequent non-family placement that lasted until that kid reached the property of majority.
The 3rd kid was placed with a household successful the community, wherever that kid was beaten and presumably besides sexually abused.
When the authorities learned of this, the kid was removed from the location and placed with a household member.
The consequences of this upbringing were rather devastating. Although each 3 joined and had children, 1 sibling yet committed suicide. The different periodically abandoned their ain household for weeks astatine a time.
I bash judge that immoderate of my older cousins cognize what happened due to the fact that they were aged capable to beryllium alert of what was going connected successful their ain families.
I americium torn astir however to respond. Part of maine says, “Family secrets are not healthy, and radical person a close to know.” Another portion of maine says, “This is not your communicative to tell.”
What should I do?
— Torn Cousin
Dear Torn: I deliberation you should archer a mentation of this communicative that illustrates the utmost challenges your elder household members faced, but lone see details that are verifiable, respecting the privateness of immoderate surviving elder household members who were superior victims.
You tin usage aged photos to effort to physique a representation of the trauma and displacement that your household (and galore different families) endured during and aft the Depression.
Overall, your household past shows the heartbreaking broadside of the nature/nurture debate.
I presume that consequent generations of your household person recovered (somewhat) from this displacement and trauma, but for immoderate of your cousins, this communicative could assistance them to recognize the temperament and behaviour of immoderate of their elders, who were not capable to nurture them — because, tragically, they weren’t nurtured.
Dear Amy: I dated a divorced antheral for 26 years, and I’m inactive kicking myself. There was a 22-year property quality betwixt us.
I thought we had a fantastic relationship.
We didn’t unrecorded unneurotic (thank God) — helium had his spot and l had mine.
Long communicative short, helium passed distant 5 years ago.
After helium died, respective of his friends and siblings decided to archer maine that helium was the begetter of a 9-year-old lad and that the lad volition beryllium good taken attraction of until helium travel of age.
I americium gladsome the lad volition beryllium taken attraction of.
My question is wherefore did these radical ne'er shared this accusation with maine anterior to his death? l knew perfectly thing astir this relationship.
Obviously, it was precise good hidden from me.
I americium annoyed astatine the radical who are telling maine now, particularly his 1 sibling who claims to emotion maine truthful much.
I don’t cognize what her motive is, different than to marque maine aggravated oregon wounded me.
What is your take? What bash you deliberation I should do?
— In the Dark
Dear In the Dark: I hold with you that keeping this a concealed is simply a betrayal of your friendship. The mode to find retired what motivates radical is to inquire them. You volition past determine however to respond.
Dear Amy: “TIA” was progressively disquieted due to the fact that her hubby had refused to get the COVID vaccine. And past helium was hospitalized with the disease.
You should person directed her toward the science. If helium has already had COVID, helium can’t get it again and helium doesn’t request the vaccine!
You should brushwood up connected your research.
— Common Sense
Dear Common Sense: “TIA” didn’t notation that her hubby had received an antibody test. Although reinfection is rare, I judge the assemblage is inactive retired regarding however good — and however agelong — antibodies connection protection.
(You tin email Amy Dickinson astatine askamy@amydickinson.com oregon nonstop a missive to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You tin besides travel her connected Twitter @askingamy oregon Facebook.)
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