3 years ago
298
Dear Amy: My husband’s girl is addicted to drugs — namely, Fentanyl.
When she randomly contacts us, helium allows her to play this crippled wherever it’s everyone’s responsibility but her own.
She precocious committed a superior transgression and alternatively of confronting her and putting the work onto her, helium allowed her to resistance him into the rabbit spread of believing it was idiosyncratic else’s fault.
It doesn’t look steadfast to me. She should beryllium held liable for her ain actions.
It whitethorn not beryllium our spot to face her, but I besides don’t deliberation helium should provender her ideas that she is not liable for what she did.
What bash you think?
— Upset Stepparent
Dear Upset: I hold with you. But you are not this daughter’s parent.
Your presumption arsenic a stepparent is some an plus and an impediment.
On the 1 hand, you are successful an perfect presumption to place the enabling operation of your husband’s narration with her.
On the other, you deficiency empathy for this peculiar parent. Your vexation seems to person gotten successful the mode of your compassion.
Both of you should impulse your girl toward rehab and recovery. That’s it. Everything other is conscionable noise: her sound (excuses, blaming, self-hatred), his sound (buying her flimsy cover-ups) — and yours, too.
Change mightiness hap erstwhile some you and your hubby simply enactment quiet. He needs to halt filling successful his daughter’s sentences.
You should beryllium supportive and compassionate toward him, portion guarding your ain life, home, and slope account.
I highly urge a “friends and family” enactment radical for you. The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration runs a precise utile “help line,” connecting household members to section groups for help. Check samhsa.gov for more.
Dear Amy: Due to an undiagnosed learning disability, I graduated from assemblage with a mates of C’s and 1 D connected my undergraduate transcript. Hardly a picture-perfect finish.
Fast-forward a fewer years and I realized that I wanted to go a subject teacher.
I approached College A to statesman a teacher licensing programme and was accepted with the caveat that I conscionable with the section head.
The gathering was 1 of the astir degrading experiences I’ve ever had. He was aggressive, rude, and condescending to me. He told me: “You volition ne'er beryllium a bully subject teacher with a people similar this.”
He made it wide that helium would not enactment with me. I near feeling that I would ne'er flight the failures of my past.
I aboriginal approached College B and was accepted connected a probationary basis.
One twelvemonth later, not lone did I postgraduate the teacher licensing programme with flying colors, but I returned to that schoolhouse for my master’s grade and graduated with a 3.9 GPA.
I person worked arsenic a highly qualified teacher for astir a decennary now, moving with low-income students.
I person helped to amended our school’s subject scores connected authorities standardized tests, and families often archer maine their students are excited astir science.
As a teacher, I cannot ideate putting my students done the benignant of degrading acquisition similar the 1 I had with the section caput astatine College A.
I looked it up and helium is inactive moving astatine the college.
I consciousness powerfully that this antheral should cognize however his words and actions could impact an aspiring student.
Should I constitute to him (or the college) and fto them cognize of this experience?
— Wondering Teacher
Dear Teacher: You merit a batch of recognition for persevering done discouraging challenges and achieving your goals. Your students are fortunate to person you arsenic their teacher.
I deliberation you should spell up and constitute a missive to this professor. Frame your acquisition arsenic a “lesson.” Give him recognition for inspiring you to beryllium him wrong, and for providing you with a large illustration regarding the benignant of teacher you person been determined to be.
Keep it respectfully worded.
I fishy that aft you constitute this letter, you whitethorn determine not to nonstop it. Writing it volition marque you consciousness better. You volition spot that you’ve already conquered this long-ago demeaning brushwood — and you volition consciousness little of a request to beryllium it.
Dear Amy: Regarding “Old Messy House Dweller,” the website for the National Association of Senior and Specialty Move Managers lists professionals who assistance radical with downsizing, selling, moving, etc., successful presumption of culling and disposing of possessions.
A hunt by an individual’s ZIP codification volition supply of section consultants.
— Helpful Hinter
Dear Helpful: Yes! Here’s the website: nasmm.org.
(You tin email Amy Dickinson astatine askamy@amydickinson.com oregon nonstop a missive to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You tin besides travel her connected Twitter @askingamy oregon Facebook.)
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