Ask Amy: Friend struggles to respond to #metoo accusation

Dear Amy: I person been bully friends with “James” and “Dennis” for implicit 30 years, since we were each successful grad school. We shared galore laughs.

James and Dennis stay champion friends today; we don’t spot each different precise often, but we bash enactment successful touch.

Dennis has been happily joined for astir 10 years. James has been successful a committed narration with “Lori” for implicit 20 years. I’ve lone met her a fewer times, but I similar her, and we’re connected connected Facebook.

Lori has been done a batch during the pandemic, including the nonaccomplishment of her mother. She has utilized Facebook to scope retired for support.

Lori precocious shared connected Facebook that erstwhile she archetypal met Dennis, successful James’ presence, Dennis grabbed her behind. And that galore times since past erstwhile the 3 person gotten together, helium grabbed/groped her.

This made her precise uncomfortable, but her hubby told her it was her problem.

In her posting connected Facebook, she tagged it #metoo.

I was shocked to work this. I person ne'er experienced oregon witnessed specified behaviour by Dennis. He is precise gregarious, but this is retired of character.

I don’t cognize what, if anything, I should bash with this information.

As a woman, I should basal with different women who talk the names of those who sexually assaulted (Lori’s word) them, but arsenic a longer-time person of the accused, I consciousness loyalty to Dennis, too.

I haven’t responded to her post, nor person I talked to immoderate of the 3 of them astir it.

What’s the close happening for maine to do? What, if anything, is my responsibility?

– Not Me Too

Dear Not Me Too: As a pistillate – oregon a quality being – it is close to basal up for and enactment battle victims.

This doesn’t mean that you indispensable reflexively and instantly respond to an accusation leveled connected societal media against idiosyncratic you cognize well.

If you bash take to respond, you could say, “I’m truthful sorry.”

The #metoo question inspired galore women to travel guardant and item their experiences with unwanted intersexual aggression and abuse. It is simply a well-known information that women bash not study incidents similar this to instrumentality enforcement.

The #metoo question besides taught america that truly nice, happily joined and well-liked radical tin bash unspeakable things.

I deliberation you should interaction “Dennis” and face him with this nationalist accusation.

And then, spell with your gut.

Dear Amy: Yesterday, my hubby and I ordered caller chairs for our surviving room.

Once we got home, we realized that the value bounds is 250 pounds for each chair.

We person 2 beloved friends who decidedly measurement implicit that amount, 1 person visits rather often.

How tin I inquire friends not to beryllium successful my caller chairs?

I wouldn’t wounded these friends’ feelings for anything.

How should I grip this situation?

– Chaired

Dear Chaired: I presume that overweight radical are highly alert of wherever they sit.

Rather than inquire radical not to beryllium successful chairs, you should beryllium proactive and – earlier they beryllium down – straight connection them a seat that volition beryllium astir comfortable.

Dear Amy: I person ne'er written to an proposal columnist before, but aft speechmaking the question from “Trying to Stay Healthy,” (written by the acrophobic person of an overweight person), I felt compelled to write.

Today would person been my cousin’s daughter’s 40th birthday.

Unfortunately, we mislaid her past year. The cause? She was morbidly obese, which successful aesculapian presumption is implicit 100 pounds overweight.

There is simply a crushed this information is called “morbid;” the wellness result is precise poor.

My relative was a beautiful, delightful, agleam young pistillate with a large job, galore friends and a household who loved her.

She erstwhile remarked that she would lone suffer value if her doc told her she would dice if she didn’t.

While her doc did effort and dainty her precocious humor pressure, she ignored his recommendations.

I judge if she intelligibly understood the wellness hazard she was taking by being truthful overweight, she would person done thing astir it.

I don’t judge successful shaming anyone due to the fact that it usually lone leads to estrangement.

However, aesculapian professionals request to convey the precise superior hazard of obesity.

Today, we are grieving the nonaccomplishment of idiosyncratic who near acold excessively soon, with an wholly treatable condition.

I anticipation this helps idiosyncratic other today.

– Grieving Cousin

Dear Grieving: Thank you for this tribute. I anticipation your relationship of your family’s nonaccomplishment proves a wake-up telephone for suffering people, arsenic good arsenic for their physicians.

(You tin email Amy Dickinson astatine askamy@amydickinson.com oregon nonstop a missive to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You tin besides travel her connected Twitter @askingamy oregon Facebook.)