Ask Amy: Board members are afraid of confrontation

Dear Amy: I beryllium connected a assemblage board. All committee members are volunteers. Most person nonrecreational careers and are adept astatine having steadfast and respectful discussions.

One idiosyncratic connected the committee has go assertive and uncooperative. He puts down different members’ opinions, sends hostile emails, and presents his ain sentiment arsenic the lone mode to proceed.

The different committee members person discussed however to grip this idiosyncratic truthful that we tin bash our enactment successful a healthy, respectful environment, but nary 1 wants to accidental thing to him for fearfulness of engaging him successful argument.

Your suggestions connected however to grip this situation?

– Board Over a Barrel

Dear Board: The archetypal happening to see is what mightiness beryllium astatine the basal of this person’s dissension. Is this committee subordinate attempting to advocator astir 1 peculiar issue, oregon has helium go disruptive crossed each topics? Is helium wrestling with wellness issues oregon cognitive decline?

If determination is genuinely nary 1 connected this committee who is susceptible of confronting this issue, past you should each look the anticipation that this hostility and disruption astatine the committee level whitethorn harm your instauration wide and could really descend your enactment altogether.

If the specified anticipation of engaging successful an statement with him is excessively frightening for immoderate of you to contemplate, past helium wins.

Isn’t your origin important capable for committee members to basal up for it?

Your committee enactment should woody with this quickly, and in-person. Two committee members should conscionable with the person, contiguous copies of violative oregon hostile emails, and archer him that portion his sentiment connected committee matters is valuable, his hostility is undermining some his constituent of presumption and the important enactment of the organization.

Read done your by-laws and travel them.

If things don’t improve, spot if helium tin beryllium removed from the board.

Dear Amy: I americium successful the process of divorcing my 2nd husband.

My archetypal matrimony happened erstwhile I was excessively young; we divorced erstwhile I was 29.

I was azygous until I was 48 and joined astatine property 50.

This antheral was the emotion of my life. Over the people of 8 years, I recovered retired that helium was doing immoderate atrocious things, and I couldn’t enactment with him.

I filed for divorce. I was devastated.

I’d similar to beryllium friends with him, but for him, relationship with maine causes him to automatically presume that we volition beryllium together.

We unrecorded successful a tiny town. I don’t cognize however to locomotion the enactment betwixt relationship and nary contact.

I privation to enactment him, but bash not privation to spouse with him, ever again. We stock animals, each of which are with me. He wants to beryllium involved; this means he’s implicit astir each weekend.

I don’t consciousness I person immoderate peace. How bash I grip this without hurting his feelings?

– In a Quandary

Dear Quandary: I wonderment wherefore you are truthful disquieted astir hurting this man’s feelings when, according to you, helium is precise overmuch the blameworthy enactment starring to your divorce, which has near you devastated.

Either you are simply the nicest idiosyncratic successful the world, oregon you presently deficiency the spot to enactment your ain bid of caput implicit the anticipation of your ex’s wounded feelings.

Because your ex seems to privation to rekindle the intimate relationship, you should physique immoderate beardown boundaries now, successful bid to perchance physique connected a platonic relationship later.

Sharing custody of the pets wherever they walk immoderate clip successful his location (instead of him visiting them astatine your home) is 1 mode to make immoderate distance.

If that is not imaginable and you hold for him to sojourn the pets astatine your home, you mightiness take to tally errands portion helium is there.

You should trim your interaction with him to a bid of cordial interactions. A relationship mightiness past turn from that, but if helium can’t grip it you’ll person to further bounds interaction with him.

Dear Amy: I got teary speechmaking the question from “Distant Grandmother,” whose girl had died young, and present that daughter’s girl was rejecting her.

Thank you for helping her to recognize that teens deficiency the position and wherewithal to respond to an elder’s needs, and for encouraging this grandma to find ways to connect.

I inactive consciousness unspeakable that I didn’t respond to my ain Grannie’s cards and letters. I was truthful self-absorbed! I’m gladsome she didn’t springiness up connected me.

– Grateful

Dear Grateful: I anticipation your Grannie was astir to person your gratitude.

(You tin email Amy Dickinson astatine askamy@amydickinson.com oregon nonstop a missive to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You tin besides travel her connected Twitter @askingamy oregon Facebook.)